The Result... Only the Result

Ths article was published on www.thebigtip.com.au on 7 April 2010

There was to be no Easter miracle
Just reality’s harshest truth
They climbed towards the pinnacle
But were stopped by a black and white proof:
There are no miracles. No reasons. Things just happen…


There is nothing like a red wine hangover and a Monday morning to make a man reflect on life. Alcohol: that cliched and somewhat pathetic response to tragedy. Time worn and well proven. And in the cold harsh dirty light of a Monday, perspective brings no relief and the incidents of the weekend remain, without exaggeration, tragic.

How is it to approach a game with only apathy and absolutely no reasonable hope of victory? How is it to have those hopes raised moment by disbelieving moment, to have them build relentlessly to a violent crescendo and then have them mercilessly obliterated? It’s not very good. That’s how it is. The objective and impartial reviews of the Melbourne Collingwood game note Melbourne’s gallantness, improved ball use and general playing skills, and lack of luck. Luck having the habit of betraying those that need it most. But such reviews, though useful, do not fully capture or describe the emotional pain that such a game caused, and is still causing, real Melbourne supporters. For this game, destined to be soon forgotten by history, is what true supporters will point to when the team finally realises success in the years to come.

Did AFL clubs carry out cloning experiments two decades ago that resulted in the birth of large groups of identical twins with excellent hand-eye coordination and motor skills? Was this incident withheld from the public and did these twins secretly end up at various AFL clubs? Did Mark Jamar’s incompetent twin play in round one only to be replaced by his older-by-5 minutes but way better player brother? Did the same thing happen with Lynden Dunn, Joel MacDonald, Michael Newton, James Frawley and Cameron Bruce? Did Mick Malthouse rest the original Heath Shaw, Leon Davis, Nick Maxwell, Travis Cloke and play the crap twin?

Jokes aside, the form reversal of players in both teams was truly remarkable. MacDonald’s first game for Melbourne was utterly poor. He was a completely different player this week and his recruitment may pay dividends. Newton and Jamar have displayed about 5 seasons each of startling mediocrity, but remain on the list because there is simply no one better to replace them. Jamar’s performance was definitely the most astonishing of the game. The most used but most useless statistic in football is the ruck hitouts. So often one team wins the hit outs but can’t win a clearance. So how did Mark Jamar, Demon whipping boy of dubious Eastern European heritage, contrive to destroy Darren Jolly and Josh Fraser, winning numerous taps and directing the ball straight on to the lap of a moving teammate? There is no reason. It just happened.

For all their cockiness and legitimate premiership hopes, the Pies have some weaknesses. Jolly is not the next coming of Christ, just a good hardworking ruckman. Ask Jamar. Luke Ball is too slow to tag a genuinely fast midfielder. Ask Davey. Heath Shaw plays loose and isn’t that quick. Ask Petterd (new favourite player anyone?). Leon Davis is a frontrunner and couldn't handle the Demon pressure. Cloke is erratic and out of form. Offended Collingwood supporters can point to the match result in rebuttal, with good reason. Some analysts may say that for Melbourne and its players, the result is really not that important. The courage and aptitude shown is reward enough, despite the loss. That is rubbish.

Melbourne fans who rode all the way, who saw obscure teenagers perform feats of heroism, and who saw victory disappear in the most brutal way can only concur: It’s about the result. Only the result. God we need a win.

*The author would like to formally apologise to Mark Jamar for bagging him for years.