Sandy Roberts may not have coined the moronic phrase ‘big bad bustling barry’ but he did use it every time Barry Hall went near the ball. Thankfully Sandy is gone.
Being a great marking forward isn’t just about speed or strength. It’s not how high you can jump or how much you can bench. It’s about judgement. Judging the trajectory and distance of a kick. It’s about timing. Timing a lead. If it’s too early your teammate may not be ready to kick it to you. If it’s too late he will go to someone else. Most of all it’s about balance. A great marking forward seizes the moment where his opponent is off balance and nudges him out of the way. Great forwards can work their opponent under the ball before it is kicked toward them. Then as the defender struggles to move backward and loses his balance, the forward can easily bump his opponent out of position and take an easy mark.
In the past, a forward would use his hands to balance himself. He would sometimes place his hands on his opponents back and use his own backside to nudge the opponent out of position. For some reason, the AFL rulemakers decided that this mere placement of the hands in the back was against the rules. It has since been outlawed. The rule name, to the common punter, is push in the back. To us, the people that watch endless games and line the pockets of administrators, if there is no push, the rule is not broken. To us, simply putting your hand on someone’s back is not a free kick. Pushing someone’s back is. As the AFL indulges in endless ‘back-patting’ sessions (pun) and parries statistics of its success, do they think about the common punter sitting in a bar trying to explain this pathetic rule interpretation to a curious foreigner (Sydneysider?). We the common punter will defend our game to the death but I cannot, and will not, defend this rule. I can’t. I won’t.
So it is strange that Lord Demetriou, in one of his all too regular comments on a current football topic, bemoans the nearly complete demise of Barry Hall. Says He:
I'd love to see him playing again because we need tough players playing our game,"
I assume he means we need tough players so we can suspend them and fine them and gradually weed them out and make ourselves look useful. Image being everything. Hall is (was) the ultimate body player. While his large, pasty biceps may attract much of the focus (of me at least), it is indeed the use of his bottom and hips that makes him such a great marking forward. He really has a great ability to work his opponent under the ball. But Demetriou’s stupid and obsessive rule-changing has had a visible affect on Hall’s game, and the more free kicks he gives away the more likely he is to have another ‘brain snap’ (another silly new word for the AFL lexicon. How can a brain snap??? It could explode, or implode, or fail, or even fade, but I don’t see how it could snap). Alas, Hall has left Sydney and his football career hangs by a thread. He may not be calling Andy and thanking him for the new rules, and the support. But he can always move over to boxing, so maybe he will. Which to me seems quite incredible. Hall, by all reports, was a fabulous and formidable junior boxer, and he definitely has vast reserves of easily accessible rage needed to be good at the sport. But is it true to state that he has not really practiced this sport seriously for the past 12 years? How then can he, at 32 (the age that makes him too old for AFL), begin his professional boxing career? Is this not the same as a promising young footballer who becomes a champion boxer and then, at 30, decides to join the AFL? Sure he has done a few pre-seasons over the years and had a kick in between boxing workouts, but would an AFL club take him? Call me a cynic, but are there dollar signs in promoters’ eyes.
Jeff Kennett could be a boxing promoter. He works on the idea that if you keep talking constantly between all the rubbish you say there will be some nuggets of wisdom (he is a real mentor of mine). It’s up to poor journalists to weed them out. In another not too subtle dig at league headquarters, he opined quite profoundly that
success is not always about how much money you make or how many viewers you have.
I think Andy and the boys would disagree. Success is only about how much money you make and how many viewers you have. We are selling a product, after all, Jeffrey. In the marketplace… The AFL’s concession that it made scheduling mistakes was conveniently shadowed with insinuations that other parties were at fault. Like all good politcians, no mention was made of having to play the StKilda Geelong game at Colonial Stadium, but we all know the claim that people going to the footy are more important than fatties on the couch is pure rubbish. Fat bums on couches baby.
Kennett is a great sage in these confusing, intellectually barren times. He is refreshingly frank and sometimes quite original. But he, like most of us, sometimes confuses originalty with straight-up stupidity. Like John Harms. John…. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. Be a Geelong supporter, by all means. But don’t write an article that claims Geelong supporters are smart when said article provides overwhelming evidence that Geelong supporters are, in FACT, idiots. Newspaper articles, as opposed to internet fluff composed by dumb and bored netizens, are printed and kept by old ladies in living room drawers. For eternity. Thus the printed word will follow you to your grave (mine can be deleted in a moment). John, an experienced journalist no doubt aware of this, included this line in his article:
http://www.theage.com.au/news/rfnews/we-are-geelong-the-greatest-team-and-example-to-all/2009/07/21/1247941916391.html
‘Were Shakespeare living now, he'd be writing plays about Geelong,’
and this:
‘The world has never seen, in any place, at any time in history, a finer people than Geelong people.’
They are just bogans…Leave the silly human interest articles to our favourite eccentric Bob Murphy (he’s a football player and he has a mind. Wow!!!). He has an excuse.
Dean Bailey does not. Previously praised in these pages, the dees coach is about to make a big mistake. Says he, in reference to talk of tanking and its affects on match day activities for the remainder of the season
“it's not going to change what we do, it's not going to change our focus,"
I’m sure it won’t. But as explained in these pages before, tanking can be done in many ways. Read Melbourne’s omissions:
Out: McLean (Knee), Jamar (Quad), Green (Scaphoid), Grimes (Back),
Robertson
Convenient injuries to : only half decent ruckman in career best form, last years b and f and best player. tough onballer and top five player... best young backman... and our experienced and decent key forward dropped....
This be some shameless sheet…
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Short memory...Must have a...
9 July 2009
Short memory, must have a…short memory. He might have been referring to the electorate but Peter Garrett could easily have been referring to the football industry. Or Mark Harvey. The coach of the worst club in the AFL. Harvey was an undersized centre half back who took on bigger opponents and beat them by throwing his body recklessly into packs. When the non-smiling Harvey took on the Dockers many people thought he would instil some heart and discipline into an underperforming club. Instead, it seems he has created the next generation of Freo frontrunners. The most used word in the AFL, rebuild, refers to a period of poor performance that follows a period of success and that leads to another period of success. Fremantle, under Harvey’s guidance, are rebuilding. The only problems is that, like Richmond, they never had success in the first place. They are forever building. Not rebuilding.
Maybe the Dockers need to get back to the old school. The school that Harvey grew up in and won premierships in. Maybe the players need to forget about structures, diet and watching game tapes. Maybe they need a night on the piss in Melbourne. Some time to forget about the boredom, discipline and rigid conformity of AFL football. That’s probably what Dean Solomon was doing when he stayed out drinking until 3am with an old teammate. He didn’t miss training. But he won’t play this week. Said reformed bad boy and now excrutiatingly boring coach Harvey:
“In this instance, Dean hasn't demonstrated the level of professionalism that we expect and require of a senior member of our playing group.”
Instead of trying to instil unreasonable levels of professionalism off the field the Dockers should try to instil some heart in the players on the field. And that might mean getting a new coach. Fremantle’s performances under Harvey have been quite pathetic. They still curl up and die as soon as they get behind. They still refuse to win in Melbourne. They still celebrate wins over West Coast like they are Grand Finals, even thought they mean nothing.
For the Melbourne media, driving an interstate club to coach sacking is not that juicy. Melbourne newspapers want Melbourne coaches to fall. Is that why The Age launched a conscious and unsuccessful campaign to have Mick Malthouse gone this year? Before Malthouse led the pies to a string of wins (quite a few of them interstate) established reporter Richard Hinds opined that: “it remains only to be seen whether the veteran coach (Malthouse) will move out of the nest or whether he will be asked to leave.” A little bit presumptuous?
Journalists know well the gold fish like memory of their readers. And it gives them the confidence to make silly predictions like Richard Hinds did. Fellow Age writer Greg Baum jumped to Terry Wallace’s defence after the Tigers courageously came back to lose against Port Adelaide. The very next day his own sports desk falsely reported Wallace’s sacking. The reporters don't know whether they are creating news or reporting it. But unless they are held acocuntable, they don’t really need to care.
This post was originally published before Fremantles capitulation in Adelaide.
Short memory, must have a…short memory. He might have been referring to the electorate but Peter Garrett could easily have been referring to the football industry. Or Mark Harvey. The coach of the worst club in the AFL. Harvey was an undersized centre half back who took on bigger opponents and beat them by throwing his body recklessly into packs. When the non-smiling Harvey took on the Dockers many people thought he would instil some heart and discipline into an underperforming club. Instead, it seems he has created the next generation of Freo frontrunners. The most used word in the AFL, rebuild, refers to a period of poor performance that follows a period of success and that leads to another period of success. Fremantle, under Harvey’s guidance, are rebuilding. The only problems is that, like Richmond, they never had success in the first place. They are forever building. Not rebuilding.
Maybe the Dockers need to get back to the old school. The school that Harvey grew up in and won premierships in. Maybe the players need to forget about structures, diet and watching game tapes. Maybe they need a night on the piss in Melbourne. Some time to forget about the boredom, discipline and rigid conformity of AFL football. That’s probably what Dean Solomon was doing when he stayed out drinking until 3am with an old teammate. He didn’t miss training. But he won’t play this week. Said reformed bad boy and now excrutiatingly boring coach Harvey:
“In this instance, Dean hasn't demonstrated the level of professionalism that we expect and require of a senior member of our playing group.”
Instead of trying to instil unreasonable levels of professionalism off the field the Dockers should try to instil some heart in the players on the field. And that might mean getting a new coach. Fremantle’s performances under Harvey have been quite pathetic. They still curl up and die as soon as they get behind. They still refuse to win in Melbourne. They still celebrate wins over West Coast like they are Grand Finals, even thought they mean nothing.
For the Melbourne media, driving an interstate club to coach sacking is not that juicy. Melbourne newspapers want Melbourne coaches to fall. Is that why The Age launched a conscious and unsuccessful campaign to have Mick Malthouse gone this year? Before Malthouse led the pies to a string of wins (quite a few of them interstate) established reporter Richard Hinds opined that: “it remains only to be seen whether the veteran coach (Malthouse) will move out of the nest or whether he will be asked to leave.” A little bit presumptuous?
Journalists know well the gold fish like memory of their readers. And it gives them the confidence to make silly predictions like Richard Hinds did. Fellow Age writer Greg Baum jumped to Terry Wallace’s defence after the Tigers courageously came back to lose against Port Adelaide. The very next day his own sports desk falsely reported Wallace’s sacking. The reporters don't know whether they are creating news or reporting it. But unless they are held acocuntable, they don’t really need to care.
This post was originally published before Fremantles capitulation in Adelaide.
A Bird in the hand thanks
I’m a Melbourne supporter. I’m similar to a Richmond supporter. Victory is a cruel novelty, sandwiched between weekly heartbreak and humiliation. I don't expect to win and I feel a strange guilt when we do. I and my fellow demon fans watch the football expecting pain. And that’s what we usually get. For Melbourne supporters, victory, like a stay of execution, is about relief. So like all humans suffering from long term pain, periods of respite, no matter how short, should be celebrated and enjoyed.
And so I feel the cruelty of humanity penetrate my true-beating heart as idle brains pursue the topic of ‘tanking’. The argument, quite simply, is that Melbourne should win one more game for the season and no more. To win two or more games would cost us a very high draft pick and most likely negatively affect our long term future. It is a reasonable argument. But sick. Melbourne are experiencing their biggest hot streak in 30 months. They have responded to the illness of their president and club legend with defiance and emotion. And victory. Finally they have given tired, hopeless supporters a glimmer of optimism. They may well go down to Kardinia with a swagger in their step and smash the Cats. But inevitably, the relief of a Melbourne supporter must be blackened by the pathetic pragmatism of the ‘long term future’ obsessed common man. Where, I ask you, does reason stop and romance begin? And for every person who has said in a time of frustration and despair: ‘live for today’. I ask, who has actually done so???.
Of course, most of the injustice of today’s world can be traced back to governing bodies that were not democratically elected. Bodies that pursue equality and provide eternal hope. Like the AFL. The priority draft pick system is honourable in theory but flawed in practice. It’s purpose is to assist the clubs that perform extremely badly, even though the draft already does this. In practice it rewards extreme failure and pathetic underacheivement. Some people would argue that it is even wrong for the bottom placed team to get the number one draft pick. That even this may be an incentive to lose and may lead to game-throwing. Most people would agree that the priority system will lead to, and has already led to, a form of game-throwing. The term game-throwing, or tanking, may conjure up images of Hanse Cronje and Indian bookmakers, but in the ever growing AFL dictionary, game throwing has morphed into a newer, honourable term, used ad nauseum in football circles: rebuilding.
Coaches don’t need to tell players to play poorly. They don’t need to have team meetings and talk about how to lose games. They can sleep soundly at night. Club leaders can face the media and sell the future, while ignoring the past. Play young players way before they are ready, to give them some experience. Play players out of position to test their versality. Drop older players because they may not be part of the team next year, even though they are part of the best 22 now. Make players have operations early, so they can start their preseason on time. All these tactics are logical and honourable. Clubs must look to the future. But whilst the result of these tactics may be losing games, the main reason for these tactics should never be to deliberately lose. At the moment it sometimes is. To create a situation where a club, let alone several clubs, gets a reward for losing, is, for want of a better phrase, a blight on the game. The draft system as it is now not only rewards failure but punishes success. Clubs like North Melbourne, Collingwood and Adelaide strive for the finals every year and, admirably, try to regenerate and be consistently successful, rather than rebuild at the first sign of poor form.
The priority draft pick system has been criticised for a long time, and no real changes have been made. It should have been abolished years ago. Clubs are fielding poor teams and happily losing games every year. The draft system also needs to be changed. Perhaps the ladder needs to be split into 4 groups, so the bottom placed team doesn’t automatically get the first pick. It may well get the 4th pick, depending on a draw. At the moment we have the laughable situation where Melbourne might have to try to lose to Fremantle at the MCG just to appease members who want an extra draft pick. For real Melbourne fans, the promise of a brilliant future will never excuse tanking against the pitiful Dockers. The lure of football lies in the possiblilty of a weekend victory. A weekend where a fan would prefer a loss is just not in the spirit of the game.
And so I feel the cruelty of humanity penetrate my true-beating heart as idle brains pursue the topic of ‘tanking’. The argument, quite simply, is that Melbourne should win one more game for the season and no more. To win two or more games would cost us a very high draft pick and most likely negatively affect our long term future. It is a reasonable argument. But sick. Melbourne are experiencing their biggest hot streak in 30 months. They have responded to the illness of their president and club legend with defiance and emotion. And victory. Finally they have given tired, hopeless supporters a glimmer of optimism. They may well go down to Kardinia with a swagger in their step and smash the Cats. But inevitably, the relief of a Melbourne supporter must be blackened by the pathetic pragmatism of the ‘long term future’ obsessed common man. Where, I ask you, does reason stop and romance begin? And for every person who has said in a time of frustration and despair: ‘live for today’. I ask, who has actually done so???.
Of course, most of the injustice of today’s world can be traced back to governing bodies that were not democratically elected. Bodies that pursue equality and provide eternal hope. Like the AFL. The priority draft pick system is honourable in theory but flawed in practice. It’s purpose is to assist the clubs that perform extremely badly, even though the draft already does this. In practice it rewards extreme failure and pathetic underacheivement. Some people would argue that it is even wrong for the bottom placed team to get the number one draft pick. That even this may be an incentive to lose and may lead to game-throwing. Most people would agree that the priority system will lead to, and has already led to, a form of game-throwing. The term game-throwing, or tanking, may conjure up images of Hanse Cronje and Indian bookmakers, but in the ever growing AFL dictionary, game throwing has morphed into a newer, honourable term, used ad nauseum in football circles: rebuilding.
Coaches don’t need to tell players to play poorly. They don’t need to have team meetings and talk about how to lose games. They can sleep soundly at night. Club leaders can face the media and sell the future, while ignoring the past. Play young players way before they are ready, to give them some experience. Play players out of position to test their versality. Drop older players because they may not be part of the team next year, even though they are part of the best 22 now. Make players have operations early, so they can start their preseason on time. All these tactics are logical and honourable. Clubs must look to the future. But whilst the result of these tactics may be losing games, the main reason for these tactics should never be to deliberately lose. At the moment it sometimes is. To create a situation where a club, let alone several clubs, gets a reward for losing, is, for want of a better phrase, a blight on the game. The draft system as it is now not only rewards failure but punishes success. Clubs like North Melbourne, Collingwood and Adelaide strive for the finals every year and, admirably, try to regenerate and be consistently successful, rather than rebuild at the first sign of poor form.
The priority draft pick system has been criticised for a long time, and no real changes have been made. It should have been abolished years ago. Clubs are fielding poor teams and happily losing games every year. The draft system also needs to be changed. Perhaps the ladder needs to be split into 4 groups, so the bottom placed team doesn’t automatically get the first pick. It may well get the 4th pick, depending on a draw. At the moment we have the laughable situation where Melbourne might have to try to lose to Fremantle at the MCG just to appease members who want an extra draft pick. For real Melbourne fans, the promise of a brilliant future will never excuse tanking against the pitiful Dockers. The lure of football lies in the possiblilty of a weekend victory. A weekend where a fan would prefer a loss is just not in the spirit of the game.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Grant Thomas: this is where you are at
StKilda fans have no right to hate Grant Thomas. He got the Saints to two preliminary finals and within a few goals of a Grand Final. Considering StKilda’s history of extreme underachievement Thomas’ time as coach was very successful. But a lot of people were waiting for his demise, inside and outside of StKilda. Most clubs would love the luxury of sacking a coach who has taken a team to the finals three years in a row. It reeks of arrogance and the sort of expectations StKilda have no right to. Remarkably, the club also sacked Stan Alves a year after they lost a Grand Final. The Saints finished sixth in Alves’ last year.
Richmond, a club that has a recent history of extreme mediocrity, have much more lenient standards. Terry Wallace’s time as coach has been a disaster. 4 seasons. 0 finals. Yet still he remains, going through the processes in a futile attempt to squeeze some value out of his last season. Wallace should quit immediately, so pathetic is Richmond’s standard of football. Wallace and Thomas’ coaching results may not be very similar, but their football language is.
In a time of extreme football advancements in fitness, skill, strategy and opposition analysis, coaches and media commentators still have the ability to use a thousand words to say absolutely nothing. Both Wallace and Thomas insist on using unsuitable metaphors to explain simple situations. They also often talk in footy-speak. For example, nearly all coaches and players these days talk about where their team is at. “This game will be a good test of where we are at”. I recall that up until a few years ago this phrase was not used at all. Another football term that surely irks both Thomas and Wallace is ‘premiership window’. Wallace should have Richmond about to enter their premiership window. Unfortuantely they are in the exact same position they were when he became coach. Thomas was sacked mainly because people thought he had wasted StKilda’s premiership period. As Mick Malthouse pointed out this week, there is no reason to be so surprised by StKilda’s form. They have a number of high draft picks coming into their prime. Riewoldt and Koschitzke are 26. Ball is 24, Goddard is 23 and Dal Santo is 25. They should expect success. Which makes Thomas’ sacking all the more unreasonable. He coached all of these players, and can legitimately argue that he didn’t have the chance to coach them in their prime.
Thomas’ termination as a coach may have been harsh, but his sacking from the radio could be a blessing for the language of football. There are enough controversy-seekers in the papers already. There are more than enough ex-player’s talking in endless footy cliches on the radio. The sad truth for Thomas and for the public is that the vacancy he leaves in the football media may well be taken by Terry Wallace, the master of the footy cliche.
Richmond, a club that has a recent history of extreme mediocrity, have much more lenient standards. Terry Wallace’s time as coach has been a disaster. 4 seasons. 0 finals. Yet still he remains, going through the processes in a futile attempt to squeeze some value out of his last season. Wallace should quit immediately, so pathetic is Richmond’s standard of football. Wallace and Thomas’ coaching results may not be very similar, but their football language is.
In a time of extreme football advancements in fitness, skill, strategy and opposition analysis, coaches and media commentators still have the ability to use a thousand words to say absolutely nothing. Both Wallace and Thomas insist on using unsuitable metaphors to explain simple situations. They also often talk in footy-speak. For example, nearly all coaches and players these days talk about where their team is at. “This game will be a good test of where we are at”. I recall that up until a few years ago this phrase was not used at all. Another football term that surely irks both Thomas and Wallace is ‘premiership window’. Wallace should have Richmond about to enter their premiership window. Unfortuantely they are in the exact same position they were when he became coach. Thomas was sacked mainly because people thought he had wasted StKilda’s premiership period. As Mick Malthouse pointed out this week, there is no reason to be so surprised by StKilda’s form. They have a number of high draft picks coming into their prime. Riewoldt and Koschitzke are 26. Ball is 24, Goddard is 23 and Dal Santo is 25. They should expect success. Which makes Thomas’ sacking all the more unreasonable. He coached all of these players, and can legitimately argue that he didn’t have the chance to coach them in their prime.
Thomas’ termination as a coach may have been harsh, but his sacking from the radio could be a blessing for the language of football. There are enough controversy-seekers in the papers already. There are more than enough ex-player’s talking in endless footy cliches on the radio. The sad truth for Thomas and for the public is that the vacancy he leaves in the football media may well be taken by Terry Wallace, the master of the footy cliche.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Good Luck Wallet
A player reaches 30 these days, plays three bad games and is pretty much gone. Footy, as they say, is a young man’s game. Young players, young coaches, young ideas. Which makes the thought of Denis Pagan coaching an AFL side again completely ridiculous. Pagan’s two premierships were a decade ago, and after his time at North he dismantled and destroyed Carlton to the point where they are still recovering. If Terry Wallace is going to be held accountable for the performance of his players and their game style and take some of the blame for the recruiting decisions during his tenure then Pagan is also responsible for what he did at Carlton.
Admittedly, the conditions under which Pagan began at Carlton were different. The club was broke and did not have a lot of early draft picks, so it decided to pick almost exclusively recycled, mature age players (Daniel Harford, David Clarke, Cory McGrath, Digby Morrel). From the 2003 draft only Heath Scotland and Andrew Walker remain. Rebuilding a club with rejects would never happen in the AFL today and six years ago it was already an outdated strategy.
But Pagan’s mistakes were much bigger than overseeing those horrible, short-sighted draft selections. Didn’t he cut Anthony Koutofides career short by insisting Kouta complete the same training as younger players? Didn’t he direct his team towards winning the pre season competition when every other club treats that competition as a warm up? (The moronic Carlton board gave him a new contract after a preseason flag, without consulting any senior players) Didn’t he base training drills around having the ball on the ground even when his captain and best player had back problems? Pagan’s winning ratio from his time at Carlton was 24%. Wallace’s ratio at Richmond was 41% at the start of this season. Pagan, clearly, will never coach an AFL club again.
It would be no surprise to see Terry commentating by round 10 this year. (Sportsbet had him at $501 to coach them next year – though the odds were ‘speculative’ and not available so they mean absolutely nothing) Most people believe that it’s not just the four losses Richmond have suffered this year that have ruined him but the pathetic nature of the losses. Two mass floggings (by quality teams), a gallant defeat (Geelong) and a loss to the super impressive Melbourne. The first month of the season has been a disgrace, but as everyone insists on forgetting, it is a very long season. One common argument from ultra-loyal, massively deluded Richmond supporters is that the skill errors plaguing their games simply result from a lack of confidence. Just go and see the boys hit their targets down at Punt Road. Could this confidence suddenly turn around with one win? (Coughlin’s back this week) Could the Tigers possibly turn their season around? (Cuzzy and Cotchin next week) Could they still make the finals? (Pettifer is ready!) They would need to go 12 and 6 for the rest of the season. I say, in a state of total sobriety and with a history of unbridled Richmond bagging: It is possible. Richmond will most likely beat North on pure emotion this weekend. Then they have Sydney (in Sydney) and Brisbane at the ‘G. Why couldn’t they go into round 8 at three wins and four losses and a head of steam drifting out from Wallet’s sunbed? As long as Richo is playing in front of goal instead of piss farting around on the wings (I said that from the very beginning) then they are a chance. Wallace is at his best when the game is broken down to emotion and pure mindless footy talk.
On other matters, big shout out to Collingwood and Jeff Kennett (I feel sick) for having a crack at the AFL and the current state of umpiring. The AFL is becoming more and more like a government that insists on ‘winning’ PR and media battles rather than confronting the serious problems that are affecting its stakeholders. The public and clubs have no effective channel for voicing their ideas regarding the rules of the game. For all their arrogance, Eddie and Jeff are flying the flag for the millions of pissed off fans watching the rubbish 50-metre penalties and double goals being handed out weekly by umpires. Massive shout out to Richard Hinds for summing it all up in this article
http://www.realfooty.com.au/news/rfnews/umpires-put-in-harms-way-by-stubborn-technocrats-in-ivory-towers/2009/04/21/1240079671037.html
On other matters, Fremantle doesn’t deserve an inch of column space as it is and their Ku Klux Klan ‘scandal’ is the stupidest thing that has ever been reported in the paper ever. Except that Pavlich should have left them years ago. They are cursed to a perpetual state of rebuilding.
Finally, it is time columnists stop condemning ‘hysterical and hypocritical’ media frenzies that they and their colleagues have created. That is my job. Two journalists are sitting next to each other. One is hounding the Tigers about sacking Terry Wallace whilst the other is writing an article condemning the irresponsible behaviour of his colleague. Their third colleague is reporting on the KKK scandal. They should just cancel each other out and concentrate on the feel good stories in football. Like the renaissance of the mighty dees. Or new footballing sage Dean Bailey (Melbourne’s coach if you didn’t know):
“Belief comes to its crescendo when wins become continual” It may be a while before that theory is tested down at Casey fields (Melbourne trains there if you didn't know), but at least Dean is speaking English.
“this is a pressure-cooker environment and if you don’t want to handle it, it’s too hot in the kitchen.”
Good luck Wallet.
Admittedly, the conditions under which Pagan began at Carlton were different. The club was broke and did not have a lot of early draft picks, so it decided to pick almost exclusively recycled, mature age players (Daniel Harford, David Clarke, Cory McGrath, Digby Morrel). From the 2003 draft only Heath Scotland and Andrew Walker remain. Rebuilding a club with rejects would never happen in the AFL today and six years ago it was already an outdated strategy.
But Pagan’s mistakes were much bigger than overseeing those horrible, short-sighted draft selections. Didn’t he cut Anthony Koutofides career short by insisting Kouta complete the same training as younger players? Didn’t he direct his team towards winning the pre season competition when every other club treats that competition as a warm up? (The moronic Carlton board gave him a new contract after a preseason flag, without consulting any senior players) Didn’t he base training drills around having the ball on the ground even when his captain and best player had back problems? Pagan’s winning ratio from his time at Carlton was 24%. Wallace’s ratio at Richmond was 41% at the start of this season. Pagan, clearly, will never coach an AFL club again.
It would be no surprise to see Terry commentating by round 10 this year. (Sportsbet had him at $501 to coach them next year – though the odds were ‘speculative’ and not available so they mean absolutely nothing) Most people believe that it’s not just the four losses Richmond have suffered this year that have ruined him but the pathetic nature of the losses. Two mass floggings (by quality teams), a gallant defeat (Geelong) and a loss to the super impressive Melbourne. The first month of the season has been a disgrace, but as everyone insists on forgetting, it is a very long season. One common argument from ultra-loyal, massively deluded Richmond supporters is that the skill errors plaguing their games simply result from a lack of confidence. Just go and see the boys hit their targets down at Punt Road. Could this confidence suddenly turn around with one win? (Coughlin’s back this week) Could the Tigers possibly turn their season around? (Cuzzy and Cotchin next week) Could they still make the finals? (Pettifer is ready!) They would need to go 12 and 6 for the rest of the season. I say, in a state of total sobriety and with a history of unbridled Richmond bagging: It is possible. Richmond will most likely beat North on pure emotion this weekend. Then they have Sydney (in Sydney) and Brisbane at the ‘G. Why couldn’t they go into round 8 at three wins and four losses and a head of steam drifting out from Wallet’s sunbed? As long as Richo is playing in front of goal instead of piss farting around on the wings (I said that from the very beginning) then they are a chance. Wallace is at his best when the game is broken down to emotion and pure mindless footy talk.
On other matters, big shout out to Collingwood and Jeff Kennett (I feel sick) for having a crack at the AFL and the current state of umpiring. The AFL is becoming more and more like a government that insists on ‘winning’ PR and media battles rather than confronting the serious problems that are affecting its stakeholders. The public and clubs have no effective channel for voicing their ideas regarding the rules of the game. For all their arrogance, Eddie and Jeff are flying the flag for the millions of pissed off fans watching the rubbish 50-metre penalties and double goals being handed out weekly by umpires. Massive shout out to Richard Hinds for summing it all up in this article
http://www.realfooty.com.au/news/rfnews/umpires-put-in-harms-way-by-stubborn-technocrats-in-ivory-towers/2009/04/21/1240079671037.html
On other matters, Fremantle doesn’t deserve an inch of column space as it is and their Ku Klux Klan ‘scandal’ is the stupidest thing that has ever been reported in the paper ever. Except that Pavlich should have left them years ago. They are cursed to a perpetual state of rebuilding.
Finally, it is time columnists stop condemning ‘hysterical and hypocritical’ media frenzies that they and their colleagues have created. That is my job. Two journalists are sitting next to each other. One is hounding the Tigers about sacking Terry Wallace whilst the other is writing an article condemning the irresponsible behaviour of his colleague. Their third colleague is reporting on the KKK scandal. They should just cancel each other out and concentrate on the feel good stories in football. Like the renaissance of the mighty dees. Or new footballing sage Dean Bailey (Melbourne’s coach if you didn’t know):
“Belief comes to its crescendo when wins become continual” It may be a while before that theory is tested down at Casey fields (Melbourne trains there if you didn't know), but at least Dean is speaking English.
“this is a pressure-cooker environment and if you don’t want to handle it, it’s too hot in the kitchen.”
Good luck Wallet.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Pandemic...Get your Pandemic
en⋅dem⋅ic [en-dem-ik]
–adjective Also, en⋅dem⋅i⋅cal.
1. natural to or characteristic of a specific people or place; native; indigenous: endemic folkways; countries where high unemployment is endemic.
2. belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place: a fever endemic to the tropics.
When it comes to ‘Boris the Chicken’, I’ll go for shoulder shrugging dismissiveness. Let John Harms, Phil Cleary and other outraged football followers and idiots that call talkback radio jump on their pedastals and condemn. But seriously, Phil…
"It's clear they're thinking, 'Woman as bitch, woman as someone you trample on'," Cleary said. "At the end they actually kill the chicken.”
Long bow anyone??? Go back to coaching Coburg Phil (was it Coburg?).
I had GongBaoJiDing for dinner (7 meals a week). Am I a rapist or a murderer?
And John Harms, who doesn’t get that many articles and unfortunately has been asked to pull on the boots to follow ‘Boris the Chicken gate’…:
“another setback in a society that is slowly growing to accept that violence against women is endemic.”
Is that right??? (Pandemic…Get your Pandemic.)
And:
“the football club that produced Wayne Carey.”
So North are responsible for all his mistakes too??? Massively long bow John and a pretty ordinary comment. They should relocate the Kangaroos’ pimpin’ bitch hatin’ asses to the NRL post haste. I heard that Gillon Mclaughlin, the AFL’s media dunce, got a call from the NRL accusing the AFL of ‘shamelessly and unfairly targeting loyal NRL consumers’. Was Chickengate just an AFL backed plot to win over those elusive western Sydney bogans?
(WMD…Get your WMD.)
Well let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Thank god there is a Thursday game and some good old fashioned Christianity around so some people can focus on accepting what is really endemic in our society. Footy… (and pedophile priests). It was a brave man who defended the Swans’ chances pre season and after their round one loss many may have called him stupid. How a team can not kick a goal for nearly three quarters one week and then kick 25 the next is for Paul Roos to explain, but the Swans will still be a good team this year. Look back at a pre season post for evidence of my refreshingly rational foresight.
Talk of a definite Hawthorn and Geelong grand final is just evidence of how short-sighted and stupid football commentators are (if you need more evidence read into the ‘Boris the Chicken’ saga), even when they are being long sighted. Remember that Hawthorn got flogged (Richmond win = flogging) by Richmond in round 21 last year so their ‘dominance of the competition’ lasted a massive four games. Now they are ‘mere mortals’. They are one injury (Roughhead or Buddy) away from being merely ordinary. You heard it here first. Geelong are shithot though I’m not denying that.
–adjective Also, en⋅dem⋅i⋅cal.
1. natural to or characteristic of a specific people or place; native; indigenous: endemic folkways; countries where high unemployment is endemic.
2. belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place: a fever endemic to the tropics.
When it comes to ‘Boris the Chicken’, I’ll go for shoulder shrugging dismissiveness. Let John Harms, Phil Cleary and other outraged football followers and idiots that call talkback radio jump on their pedastals and condemn. But seriously, Phil…
"It's clear they're thinking, 'Woman as bitch, woman as someone you trample on'," Cleary said. "At the end they actually kill the chicken.”
Long bow anyone??? Go back to coaching Coburg Phil (was it Coburg?).
I had GongBaoJiDing for dinner (7 meals a week). Am I a rapist or a murderer?
And John Harms, who doesn’t get that many articles and unfortunately has been asked to pull on the boots to follow ‘Boris the Chicken gate’…:
“another setback in a society that is slowly growing to accept that violence against women is endemic.”
Is that right??? (Pandemic…Get your Pandemic.)
And:
“the football club that produced Wayne Carey.”
So North are responsible for all his mistakes too??? Massively long bow John and a pretty ordinary comment. They should relocate the Kangaroos’ pimpin’ bitch hatin’ asses to the NRL post haste. I heard that Gillon Mclaughlin, the AFL’s media dunce, got a call from the NRL accusing the AFL of ‘shamelessly and unfairly targeting loyal NRL consumers’. Was Chickengate just an AFL backed plot to win over those elusive western Sydney bogans?
(WMD…Get your WMD.)
Well let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Thank god there is a Thursday game and some good old fashioned Christianity around so some people can focus on accepting what is really endemic in our society. Footy… (and pedophile priests). It was a brave man who defended the Swans’ chances pre season and after their round one loss many may have called him stupid. How a team can not kick a goal for nearly three quarters one week and then kick 25 the next is for Paul Roos to explain, but the Swans will still be a good team this year. Look back at a pre season post for evidence of my refreshingly rational foresight.
Talk of a definite Hawthorn and Geelong grand final is just evidence of how short-sighted and stupid football commentators are (if you need more evidence read into the ‘Boris the Chicken’ saga), even when they are being long sighted. Remember that Hawthorn got flogged (Richmond win = flogging) by Richmond in round 21 last year so their ‘dominance of the competition’ lasted a massive four games. Now they are ‘mere mortals’. They are one injury (Roughhead or Buddy) away from being merely ordinary. You heard it here first. Geelong are shithot though I’m not denying that.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Ball...............No thank you......
I’m not a redneck or a bogan and I don’t insist players ‘kick it long’ and I don't call out ‘deliberate’ and I don’t think footy was better in my day. This being my day though I’m quite far away. I love a ‘ball…yeah’ as much as any other bloke in the outer. I went to a game in Sydney once and they don’t know how to do a ‘ball…yeah’ and for that they are ignorant and maybe that’s why the game may never catch on in that strange and detached city. A ‘ball…yeah’ is like a good root in that sometimes you have to earn it and wait for it and it’s all the more better for the wait. Mostly it doesn’t come easily. Though you may. But things are changing. Change for the sake of change being the mantra of the AFL.
Being a fly on the wall down at umpire ‘training’ (think the biggest bunch of nerds and bullied kids ever) could make for some pretty disturbing viewing. I guess they spend the first half of training trying to remember players’ names and then thinking of nicknames so they can act like the players are their mates. The umpires clearly have no mates and that is why they became umpires. Umpiring is like the law in that it’s enforcement should be detached and consistent but always based around discretion and reason. For this reason umpires should be ice cold and faceless zombies and then they may get the respect they so deeply want.
Consistency is something the fans and players have always yearned for. But it is like a decent shag we all want it but rarely get it. When the AFL at one stage decided that in certain rounds the umpires would concentrate on the enforcement of certain rules (being ‘red hot’ on said rule) the idea of consistency became even more unrealistic. How can umpires be consistent if they admit that they will change the focus of the rules from week to week?
Even worse, the discretion of umpires is slowly being abolished, and rules are being enforced that surely are not in the spirit of the game. The second half of umpire training must surely involve studying and finding new ways to confuse the ‘holding the ball’ rule. The amount of ‘ball…yeahs’ getting paid in round one was quite breathtaking. Do umpires have to fill a quota of ‘ball…yeahs’? Is the ball-up a plague on our game like flooding and tunneling before it? If a player goes for a loose ball, picks it up, gets slung to the ground and then has five players jump on him, is that considered prior opportunity? How can he dispose of the ball correctly if he is semi-conscious? Punishing the player ‘making the play’ is not in the spirit of the game and this obsession with paying holding the ball free kicks has to be stopped. If you were an AFL players perhaps it would be wiser to avoid picking up a loose ball. Simply wait for your opponent to possess it then tackle him and wait for the idiots in the crowd to scream ‘ball…’. The idiot in white will surely oblige.
Good football rules are like decent laws in that they should respect history and democracy and take into accont the viewpoints of all stakeholders. A good law is rarely thought up by a few men in a room without the consultation of the people it will affect.
Being a fly on the wall down at umpire ‘training’ (think the biggest bunch of nerds and bullied kids ever) could make for some pretty disturbing viewing. I guess they spend the first half of training trying to remember players’ names and then thinking of nicknames so they can act like the players are their mates. The umpires clearly have no mates and that is why they became umpires. Umpiring is like the law in that it’s enforcement should be detached and consistent but always based around discretion and reason. For this reason umpires should be ice cold and faceless zombies and then they may get the respect they so deeply want.
Consistency is something the fans and players have always yearned for. But it is like a decent shag we all want it but rarely get it. When the AFL at one stage decided that in certain rounds the umpires would concentrate on the enforcement of certain rules (being ‘red hot’ on said rule) the idea of consistency became even more unrealistic. How can umpires be consistent if they admit that they will change the focus of the rules from week to week?
Even worse, the discretion of umpires is slowly being abolished, and rules are being enforced that surely are not in the spirit of the game. The second half of umpire training must surely involve studying and finding new ways to confuse the ‘holding the ball’ rule. The amount of ‘ball…yeahs’ getting paid in round one was quite breathtaking. Do umpires have to fill a quota of ‘ball…yeahs’? Is the ball-up a plague on our game like flooding and tunneling before it? If a player goes for a loose ball, picks it up, gets slung to the ground and then has five players jump on him, is that considered prior opportunity? How can he dispose of the ball correctly if he is semi-conscious? Punishing the player ‘making the play’ is not in the spirit of the game and this obsession with paying holding the ball free kicks has to be stopped. If you were an AFL players perhaps it would be wiser to avoid picking up a loose ball. Simply wait for your opponent to possess it then tackle him and wait for the idiots in the crowd to scream ‘ball…’. The idiot in white will surely oblige.
Good football rules are like decent laws in that they should respect history and democracy and take into accont the viewpoints of all stakeholders. A good law is rarely thought up by a few men in a room without the consultation of the people it will affect.
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