Oh times of humble optimism. You are the gentle calm before the storm that wipes away my home and livelihood. Oh times of boundless positivity. You are the spring in the step of a wide eyed graduate carrying his briefcase to his first day at the firm. You, receiver of goodwill and deliverer of ill winds, are the glorious fortnight before round one where each club soaks in the rays of late March sun and dreams of unbridled success. What giddy times.
Delusions of competency abound, none more so than in the recesses of sustained failure. The CEO of the most unsuccessful on-field club in modern day football (what a train wreck) Brendan Gale, QC, has devised a cunning plan to take the Tiges to the top. 100,000 members (start reproducing Tiger fans, now!), money oozing from multiple orifices, on-field success of dynastic proportions and worst case scenario: the monotony of annual finals appearances. (Seriously most Richmond members would instantly drop dead of shock if the boys did make the finals) Apparently Benny G found out through his connections at the AFL that when the two extra teams come in the final 8 will become the final 16, leaving only 2 teams to miss the finals. Richmond supporters don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Still, premierships are serious talk, best kept for confidential places like board meetings, wet dreams and the office of your psychiatrist. Just ask Peter Schwab. Didn’t he dream out loud during the 2004 preseason that the Hawks were aiming for a flag? They didn’t get close and old Pete was reamed, steamed and dry cleaned out of a job mid season. He ended up on the match review panel, the second most despised AFL department, running close second to the umpiring department. That’s where Jeff Gieschen reigns supreme. The Geesh, rules honcho and sender of tersely worded ‘please explain’ letters and former coach of which champion key position player turned ruckman? Benny Gale. Scwabby, by the way, cut his teeth as an assistant down at Tigerland back in the day.
Mr Gale should probably be more realistic with his ambitions, as those with decent memories and vindictive personalities will be keen to take Benny down when the Tigers don’t win a flag for the next eternity. It’s in my notes, Gus! Grand business plans are fine, but savior Damien Hardman, I mean, Hardwick, probably didn't know he would have to deliver so much success in his new job. Especially with Troy Simmonds in the leadership group. That same group of media commentators and opinion drivers who will chuckle at Brendan Gale in years to come have no such problems making grand predictions of their own. All aboard the Barry Hall train. You may recall reading in these very pages last year a passionate but coldly rational defence of Mr Barrence Hall, his playing style, and his general ability as a player. That was when Hall was on the scrapheap, considering a boxing career and getting no love from the AFL community. Now he is flavour of the week, a hot tip for the Coleman (which he has never won) and widely expected to lead the dogs to premiership glory. Before round one has even begun!
The fortnight before round one is a time for optimism of a completely general and ambiguous form. Players coming off great pre seasons, youngsters with bulkier frames taking the next step, better game plans and structures and club facilites. Any mention of specific results and expectations should be censored by club officials. Which makes Richmond’s grandiose plans for world domination all the more unreasonable. The season hasn’t even begun, supporters haven’t even tasted a win yet, and club leaders are unleashing crazy plans of wild success. A man who hasn’t even received his bowl of rice for lunch yet is hardly going to be aroused by empty talk of steaks, wine, women and all night benders. Ask a Richmond supporter. Give them some rice.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
If patience is a virtue, too much patience is...
I write from afar. From very afar. Despite distance, the fortunes of my club resonate deep inside me, huge waves of pain maintaining momentum flowing recklessly across oceans. I know nothing of inner sanctums, post match reviews, warm downs, leadership groups or premiership windows. I don’t really want to. I watch from afar, disconnected, reveling in the purity of our relationship. I give faith, you give me hope. And occasional victory. On these terms we proceed, asking no more. I judge in simplistic terms. In the most simplistic terms. In concrete terms. I am patient because the alternative is burning fury and self loathing. I tolerated and came to terms with deliberate match losing and I am somehow comfortable, if not content, pinning my future happiness in the performance of a group of facial hair-less boys 10 years my junior. In most ways I am a reasonable, idiotically faithful supporter.
So, with credentials of reason and rationality in hand, with membership paid pre March and with no other expectations of my club, I ask a question: Why?
Coming from oblivion, answering a newspaper ad, beating a field of excellent candidates to get the job, there was a sense of the refreshing when Dean (who!?!?) Bailey was appointed to the Melbourne coaching position. He inherited an on and off field mess (no offence Rev, I yearn for your even years finals appearances), rolled up his sleeves, drafted a group of kids and by all reports is in the midst of a beautiful re generation of our sad old club which will one day achieve ludicrous, unimaginable success. Midst being the operative word. Because Bailey is in the midst, far from his objective. For his 22 brave faces, his reasoning of all wrongs, for the method behind each barely honourable loss, for his thousand bright sides and hundred new days, Dean Bailey has achieved, in my simple judgment, absolutely no success. Unless failure is success like last years game against Richmond. He may have a long term plan, and that long term plan may involve on field success, but until that plan is reality, he is still the obscure and crap coach of the worst team in the league. Might be the best bloke in the country but still...The team has finished last twice, has been destroyed regularly by many teams, has rarely shown the skill or aptitude to compete in the AFL and for that Mr Bailey has been given a contract extension.
So why should this coach be given an extension on his contract before the team has even played a real game? (they played a fake game and got duly flogged by powerhouse fremantle) Is he in demand in the marketplace? He was given three years as a show of patience at the very beginning. Is that not faith enough? It is highly possible that Melbourne will finish last again this year. If that happens, how can a club justify allowing the same coach to coach 3 wooden spoons and let him, no ask him, to coach a fourth season? How can they justify it to supporters whose expectations are so pathetically low that many of them would be happy to finish 14th? The simple answer is they can’t. I will stick by Dean Bailey for 11 rounds of this season, but until the team starts winning regular games his ‘achievements’ of player development are rubbish and a poor excuse for these poor times. Give me victory or tell your story walking... In no other way shall you be assessed.
So, with credentials of reason and rationality in hand, with membership paid pre March and with no other expectations of my club, I ask a question: Why?
Coming from oblivion, answering a newspaper ad, beating a field of excellent candidates to get the job, there was a sense of the refreshing when Dean (who!?!?) Bailey was appointed to the Melbourne coaching position. He inherited an on and off field mess (no offence Rev, I yearn for your even years finals appearances), rolled up his sleeves, drafted a group of kids and by all reports is in the midst of a beautiful re generation of our sad old club which will one day achieve ludicrous, unimaginable success. Midst being the operative word. Because Bailey is in the midst, far from his objective. For his 22 brave faces, his reasoning of all wrongs, for the method behind each barely honourable loss, for his thousand bright sides and hundred new days, Dean Bailey has achieved, in my simple judgment, absolutely no success. Unless failure is success like last years game against Richmond. He may have a long term plan, and that long term plan may involve on field success, but until that plan is reality, he is still the obscure and crap coach of the worst team in the league. Might be the best bloke in the country but still...The team has finished last twice, has been destroyed regularly by many teams, has rarely shown the skill or aptitude to compete in the AFL and for that Mr Bailey has been given a contract extension.
So why should this coach be given an extension on his contract before the team has even played a real game? (they played a fake game and got duly flogged by powerhouse fremantle) Is he in demand in the marketplace? He was given three years as a show of patience at the very beginning. Is that not faith enough? It is highly possible that Melbourne will finish last again this year. If that happens, how can a club justify allowing the same coach to coach 3 wooden spoons and let him, no ask him, to coach a fourth season? How can they justify it to supporters whose expectations are so pathetically low that many of them would be happy to finish 14th? The simple answer is they can’t. I will stick by Dean Bailey for 11 rounds of this season, but until the team starts winning regular games his ‘achievements’ of player development are rubbish and a poor excuse for these poor times. Give me victory or tell your story walking... In no other way shall you be assessed.
Give me some respect goddammit
The thing about respect is the more someone wants it the less other people want to give it. Ain't nobody just get respect. Respect gotta be earnt. But earning respect ain't easy. And you gotta show respect if you wanna earn it. word.
An umpire is a like a good politician in that when he is doing a good job no one notices that he exists. Note to umpires: the quality of your existence is reflected in how much people overlook said existence. Your intention, unlike a football player, is not to impact the game.
On club rooms around the country read posters of intent. There is no 'I' in team, Winners never quit, quitters never win etc. And a coach desperate for inspiration will often point to such signs imploring his players to go out and win. The banner hanging diagonally from the walls may be meaningless or misunderstood to many of the players but with arms around each others shoulders during a pre match rev up it holds many a meaning not inherent in its words.
An umpire change room is a place of no such camaraderie, rather a different kind of nerves characterised by isolation, fear, apprehension and simple loneliness. no banners on walls and no roaring coach, nor the backslaps of trainers or admiring parents. it's often cold and empty but for the kind visit of an opposition team manager. An elite umpire (is that an oxymoron?), therefore, is used to the condmenation and self loathing that his job entails and should know how to handle it. So an umpire
should do his job not for the admiration and worship of the public, because he will not get it. He should not do it for the chance to make his presence felt on a big stage, because that leads to the opposite of admiration: hostility. He should do it for something more pure and simple and satisfying than any good holding the ball decision: respect. it is the word the AFl uses so often when complaining about the public perception of umpires. Give them some respect goddammit, and kids will want to become umpires. But the media savvy AFl, with its PR department, has missed the point once again. So has mick malthouse. Having a coach shake an umpires hand before during or after the game means nothing. it will probably have nothing to do with umpire numbers in junior level and it is quite pointless, especially when the coach is being forced to do it.
If increasing umpire respect at the top level is the solution to the malaise in umpiring in junior ranks, there are better solutions, and the AFL rules department could have a good hard look at how they could help umpires get a bit of respect in the community.
Don't keep changing the rules. not pre season, not mid season. Don't announce re interpretations of rules from one week to the next. to umpires: do not over enforce rules to the despair of player and public. Maintain consistency, discretion and reason at all times and subscribe religiously to the golden rule of umpiring: Have no impact. this may lead to more respect. A handshake, im afraid, will not.
Tom Mattessi was a junior umpire from the years of 1996-1998.
An umpire is a like a good politician in that when he is doing a good job no one notices that he exists. Note to umpires: the quality of your existence is reflected in how much people overlook said existence. Your intention, unlike a football player, is not to impact the game.
On club rooms around the country read posters of intent. There is no 'I' in team, Winners never quit, quitters never win etc. And a coach desperate for inspiration will often point to such signs imploring his players to go out and win. The banner hanging diagonally from the walls may be meaningless or misunderstood to many of the players but with arms around each others shoulders during a pre match rev up it holds many a meaning not inherent in its words.
An umpire change room is a place of no such camaraderie, rather a different kind of nerves characterised by isolation, fear, apprehension and simple loneliness. no banners on walls and no roaring coach, nor the backslaps of trainers or admiring parents. it's often cold and empty but for the kind visit of an opposition team manager. An elite umpire (is that an oxymoron?), therefore, is used to the condmenation and self loathing that his job entails and should know how to handle it. So an umpire
should do his job not for the admiration and worship of the public, because he will not get it. He should not do it for the chance to make his presence felt on a big stage, because that leads to the opposite of admiration: hostility. He should do it for something more pure and simple and satisfying than any good holding the ball decision: respect. it is the word the AFl uses so often when complaining about the public perception of umpires. Give them some respect goddammit, and kids will want to become umpires. But the media savvy AFl, with its PR department, has missed the point once again. So has mick malthouse. Having a coach shake an umpires hand before during or after the game means nothing. it will probably have nothing to do with umpire numbers in junior level and it is quite pointless, especially when the coach is being forced to do it.
If increasing umpire respect at the top level is the solution to the malaise in umpiring in junior ranks, there are better solutions, and the AFL rules department could have a good hard look at how they could help umpires get a bit of respect in the community.
Don't keep changing the rules. not pre season, not mid season. Don't announce re interpretations of rules from one week to the next. to umpires: do not over enforce rules to the despair of player and public. Maintain consistency, discretion and reason at all times and subscribe religiously to the golden rule of umpiring: Have no impact. this may lead to more respect. A handshake, im afraid, will not.
Tom Mattessi was a junior umpire from the years of 1996-1998.
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